YouTubers make Shopify dropshipping sound like a Disney FastPass for getting rich.
As long as you’re 35 inches or taller, have at least $3 worth of Robux, and can text your mom “can we get boba later?” you’re qualified. Right?
Just follow their 14-Day Shopify Dropshipping Challenge – using their affiliate link to sign up, and then buy their $1,995 program – and soon you’ll be filming yourself hopping outta your new Lambo, showing off the house you bought for your parents after retiring them early.
At the end of the video, you’ll remind everyone to subscribe, wreck the Like button for the YouTube algorithm, and don’t forget, “links in bio.”
Why? Because you’re now a YouTuber peddling a Shopify affiliate link and a course.
Why? Because you tried actual dropshipping and realized you’d make more cheddar flinging beans into a burrito at Taco Bell.
So with that said, here’s my roast, highlighting the many flaws of this business model.
Shopify dropshipping
- Dropshipping’s tagline should be: Hustle hard, earn pennies.
- Why bother with a warehouse when you can just promise products and pray the shipments from halfway across the globe don’t get intercepted by pirates? Or, worse, fall off the edge of the flat earth?
- If you love disappointed customers, boy do I have a business for you.
- Ah, yes, dropshipping – where you’re an unnecessary middleman in a transaction where both sides wish you didn’t exist.
- Profit margins? LOL: You’re more likely to find a stripper without daddy issues.
- Dropshipping, where $3 junk becomes $39.99 “luxury” because you said so.
- Dropshipping: Order in the winter, and you should have it by summer!
- Dropshipping, where the only one working harder than you… is your refund policy.
- Hey, if stepmoms can fake getting stuck in a dryer, you shouldn’t feel bad about writing fake reviews.
- Sure, your supplier screws you, but at least they aren’t screwing your wife – your best friend already took care of that.
- Okay, so your winning product was copied 7,000 times in 20 minutes. So what? At least you won’t owe taxes. Take that, the government!
- Dropshipping’s about as stable as a soap bubble in a prison shower.
- Dropshipped packages: Giving red-headed stepchildren a reason to say “Could be worse” since Shopify’s IPO.
- Let’s face it, you’ll be a remote closer by the end of the month.
- And when that doesn’t work, an “OnlyFans management agency.”
Seriously, you guys.
If I was in a Mexican standoff and my only way out was starting a Shopify dropshipping business, I’d say, “Just shoot me.”
